My cat gives me a boner
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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