some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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