I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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