We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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