This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
