Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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