He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
