As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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