i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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