Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
