Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
