Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
we're so committed to being not committed
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
