Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
