I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
