If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
