Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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