His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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