I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
