went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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