I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
