Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
