oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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