End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
