I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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