please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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