If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's just like the Real World with babies
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
