Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
