Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
