He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
