We're facebook friends in real life
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
