you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
