come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
