I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
