Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
