Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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