Sry I called you an 8
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
