Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
