I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
