Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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