a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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