Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
