the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
