Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
