I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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