I hate all girls vehemently.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
