so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
