I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
