I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
