It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Please, let me fuck your mom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
