I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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