Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Randomize
