Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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