I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
