I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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