How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
