What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
