I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
