I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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