i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
