We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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