She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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