evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
