so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
