...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
3pm strippers are depressing
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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