Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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